NoSuffer! Say No To Needless Suffering

📖 Chapter 1: Lust Onset – Suggestive Version > Narrated by J Her name was Lisa. We met at church, one of those modern community places with guitars instead of organs and too much light for my liking. I was sixteen, awkward, insecure, and shrinking into myself — until she saw something in me. She praised me. Again and again. Not for how I looked — I was too small for that — but for how I thought. For how I solved problems at school. For how I spoke with passion, like I actually cared about ideas when most people only cared about weekends. Her words made my brain feel like it was on fire. My heart too. No one had ever done that before. She was tall. Beautiful. Confident. She made me feel both honored and humiliated in the same breath. Standing next to her, I felt like a child. Yet I wanted her to look at me like a man. The contradiction tore me in half. I imagined us walking side by side. I imagined us holding hands, laughing. I imagined more, too — things I never dared speak. Every ...

Chapter 1B1. Curiousity --- J read like others breathed. It wasn’t a hobby. It wasn’t even a habit. It was a hunger. Every surface in his room bore some trace of a book—history, neuroscience, theology, strange out-of-print monographs with brittle pages and forgotten titles. When he was younger, he didn’t understand why others weren’t doing the same: reading to understand why anything existed at all. He devoured entire encyclopedias not for school, but for joy. When the internet arrived, it was like a dam had burst. For hours he would tunnel down obscure rabbit holes—how the Mayans measured time, the philosophical roots of probability, the difference between serotonin and dopamine. He read articles, footnotes, arguments, rebuttals to rebuttals. It wasn’t always organized. Often it wasn't even practical. But it gave him a strange, secret kind of safety. Curiosity had never felt like a gift. It felt more like thirst: chronic and unquenchable. Other people relaxed by gathering, laughin...

Chapter 1B - Asperger part 1: Narrow Pleasure. ============= I was maybe fourteen when I first felt it — that hollow ache in my chest when people laughed around me. They were smiling, eating, planning the next trip. I was there too, physically, but inside, I was somewhere else. Watching. Wondering. Why is everyone so sure this is what life is about? I didn’t hate them. I just didn’t feel what they were feeling. They enjoyed each other's presence — I noticed that. I saw a kind of warmth pass between them, effortless, natural. But for me, it always felt like pretending. I could mimic the laughter, even the small talk. But it didn’t come from the same place. It was like my body was acting while my mind stood behind glass. At those gatherings, I often brought a book. Not just any book — usually something about religion, or history, or the meaning of suffering. While others were busy being alive, I was trying to understand why we were alive. People called me curious. But it wasn’t curio...

Chapter 1C – Existential Anxiety, Part 1: Dread of Death He was twelve when the question first started haunting him. Where do people go after they die? It wasn’t a philosophical musing. It was a child’s fear, raw and personal, born not from books but from silence. His father was always busy. His mother too. But unlike his father, she had time—she just chose not to give it. She wouldn’t answer his questions. She wouldn’t listen to his thoughts. She wouldn’t allow his fears to breathe. His parents had no religion. And so, by default, neither did he. But around him, the world brimmed with the unseen. Neighbors, classmates—they carried invisible systems of belief: some Buddhist, some Muslim, some Christian. He was thirteen the first time he saw a Bible, tucked quietly in a neighbor’s house. He longed to read it, to hold it, to know what it said. But he didn’t own one. When he was fourteen, a friend invited him to church. That first visit was unforgettable. There, in the stories of Jesus an...